I had a mini-binge.
I ate samples of chips and chocolate covered cracker cookies from our local grocery store to start with and then progressed to a couple of handful of grapes and then three little sample pieces of fudge and then later I drank eight ounces of orange juice and almost bought a gallon.
I then ate a very small bag of snickers pieces and a very small bag of beef jerky.
That's a lot of sugar and carbs and then caffeine in the chocolate to go with it.
I had gotten away with eating samples before a few times before this and decided I could do this.
It was just like they hadn't happened before.
Not this time.
This one wanted to grow into a full blown binge.
When I stress I want to break down and eat carbs and sugars and pigout nonstop until I can't breathe.
And then do it again and again for days and days at a time.
I don't really crave the chocolate or caffeine but I do like them in candy bars.
I went crazy for a little bit.
It made things worse like it always does.
It's been twelve hours now and I am starting to recover.
I got to much to lose and my grandchildren need me.
They need me sane and well.
So do I need me sane and well.
It's interesting that I had slight pains in my heart not very long after this thing started yesterday evening.
Something I hadn't had for months.
A casual friend of mine died a few days ago.
I just saw it in the paper.
He was sixty-five and not overweight.
I'm seventy and overweight.
Even though I'm down to two hundred sixty pounds.
From three hundred seventy pounds nine years ago.
I got a steak thawing and some raw sliced side pork that some people call raw bacon.
Just raw sliced pork belly.
I cut it up in small pieces and sauté it and then scramble three eggs into it for a meal.
It's great and cheap.
$3.50 for the meal.
The steak I fry and eat with three eggs fried in the grease.
$6.50 for the meal.
I eat once a day usually.
I drink nothing but water.
I'm going to start making fishing lures to fish with.
I made two last night and I'm looking on Amazon for tackle making supplies.
I can get everything I need to start for about fifty dollars.
I spent twelve dollars yesterday on makeshift stuff from the second hand store and Walmart to get started.
They want a dollar and a dollar and a half and two dollars for lures.
I'm to cheap to spend that.
Besides I like to make things myself when I can.
I can get a magnifier head set for ten dollars and a holding clamps setup for eight dollars.
It's cheaper to buy stuff but I need something to do.
My guitar is good and I'm going to start filming right away again too.
My emergency mode survival stuff and stuff I like and want to do anyway.
Have a great day!
I'll be OK.
This dialog here helps me relieve stress I think.
That and my willpower.
It's a crazy fucked up world we live in..